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Vault New Writers Programme, 2019

I was selected from a large number of applicants to take part in the Vault Festival New Writers Programme, lead by Camilla Whitehill. A ten minute extract from the piece was performed on the last day of Vault Festival.



DEAN When I was little, I thought my dad was Zoltar.


MAGGIE The fortune machine?


DEAN I knew he worked in the arcade but I couldn’t ever see him in here. So one day, I figured it out. He was in the machine, playing Zoltar. Everyone thought it were magic, but me, I’d cracked it. I knew. Inside that shitty gold box, under the turban and the Craig David beard, it were me Dad sat really, really still. I’d put 50p in and he’d spring to life and say his bit and pop me out a fortune on a bit of yellow paper. I used to save up all my pocket money so’s I could sit and talk to me Dad again and again. Tell him all my secrets. Find out my future.


MAGGIE What did you do with all the fortunes?


DEAN Had to give ‘em back at front desk so they could be sent round again.


MAGGIE Those fortunes were second hand? I’ve made life decisions based on those. We both have.


DEAN Sorry to lift the curtain.


MAGGIE ‘Soon you’ll be riding the winds of change. Hold tight and embrace the storm.’


DEAN You could make a complaint. Might get 50p back.


MAGGIE I’ve been absolutely conned.


DEAN I guess we both have.


MAGGIE Who’d have thought. A mildly racist machine dishing out fortunes on raffle cards might not be 100% accurate.


DEAN I’m as upset as you.


MAGGIE Well, pass along my formal complaint to Mark, won’t you?


DEAN I absolutely will not be having that discussion with my dad.

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